Ever have something consume you that you could not
abandon ? It's like a parasite that feeds off of you and you can not rid yourself of that
parasite.
I am writing this down in an attempt to kill this
parasite. This is for me, not you, but you are
welcome share this if you desire. Comments are
welcome if you feel the need to say anything, however, the comments for this
posting will not be answered by me. Once said I need to move on.
It has been a little over a year since I have seen
"brighteyes", but she dominates my every day and constantly plays with my mind on a hourly
basis. To this end, I must find a end.
We met quite by accident, as I was a business
manager for a large corporate concern and
she was at the time an executive secretary for
another firm in a town 25 minutes from the town I worked in. She came into our
business one summer morning and while it was not love at first sight I sinced
the spark in her sprit and the sparkle in her eyes, and the total ease with
which I was able to talk to her.
When she left my office I spent the
entire day thinking about her, how perky, how cute, how honest, how sweet, how innocent. I
though it would pass. In about a month she was back for a visit, then again in about another
month. On the 4th visit we decided to have lunch. (hot dogs and fries) at the local famous Hot Dog
eatery. She and I in a corner booth, red vinal seats, white laminated table top and red and white checkered napkins.
I could not take my eyes off her eyes..there was
something magical, alluring, captivating about those wide open deep dark brown eyes that drew me
into her.
The following day, I called her at her work and
asked to take her to lunch again. She agreed.
This was the beginning of a journey which my heart
embarked on that my head could not
alter course.
This was 10 years ago. We developed
and had a love affair for the following 8 years. The problem is I was (and still am) and
she was (and still is) Married.
We went into this with our eyes open and both
understanding that each of us understood
what we were doing. Before our first night of
intimacy, we discussed at length the consequences of what we were about to do.
Following that night, 8 years of a torrid, intense
love affair developed to the point of discussing getting married. We both have children, and
families and friends. We started to consider the body count of the wounded should be go forward and
end our marriages and start our lives anew.
We mutually agreed that we could not pay that high
a price based on the number of people
involved in both our extended families and we
agreed to remain as we were, lovers, for the
time being. More discussions about being together
full time brought on the awareness of
guilt and remorse about what would happen to our
respective spouses and children.
We agreed not to proceed with those plans..which
led eventually to not seeing each other for the fear that we would not honor those feeling
if we continued.
To date I have not been able to rid myself of the
feeling I hold for her, and the hold she
still has on me. I want every day to call her and
tell her to meet me and lets go back to
the mountains and the mountain parks and share a
bottle of wine again. But I know I can
not do that. I have to release this longing.
If by some strange quirk of fate brighteyes should
ever see this she will know that no matter what happens in her life or mine, She was
loved...Loved more than my own life. I wish her only love and happiness in her life. She knows
just how special she was and is. But I have just one thing I have to say to her that I have
never before said......"Goodbye and God Bless You".
had a discussion with my bride on what would be a good way to spend this weekend. Beach, Golf, Grilling out, going out, having friends over, movie, getting naked and going to the mall, etc...etc..etc..
Well I made the cardinal sin of asking her what she wanted to do and the conversation went a little like this:
So in the words of Lou Costello and Clark Gable. Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
Why will a woman not commit to doing ANYTHING? I am sick and tired of "whatever you want to do is fine with me". Well that's not fine with ME. Why do I always have to be the entertainer, and decider. Does she not have some semblance of a brain. Can she not think of something she would like to do for a change.
Oh well, who said life is fair. So I think I know what I will do this weekend........see below for a hint.
Monday 4/16/07 - A thought to carry with you and a special dedication to someone special.
If the things in and about life always look the same to you,
then your always looking at them the same way.
By changing the way you look at things, the things you look at will also change.
We are not always in control of the events that shape our lives, but we are in control of how we respond to those events. You can define who and what your life will be or you can let others define you as they want you to be and as they think you should be. Choose to define yourself and let others either accept you or not. You will be happier.
The following is dedicated to "Brighteyes". Although we are not together you are never forgotten. You are the hourly memories of my mind.
You and I were
meant for one another Today we'll join our hearts eternally And this
moment I'll always remember All the words that mean so much to me
And you're my only love My only love And I will thank the Lord
above for you each day I can't believe the way I feel You're so special
you're so real And I know you'll always be my only love
Listen
closely to the words I'm saying I know I've never meant them more For
your love only I've been praying You and I are what this love is for
And you're my only love My only love And I will thank the Lord
above for you each day I can't believe the way I feel You're so special
you're so real And I know you'll always be my only love
I'll go to my grave lovin' you , lovin' you I'd give all I've saved
lovin' you lovin' you and should, I live again Even then, it won't
end For I'll go, to my grave lovin' you , lovin' you.
Oh,
to take his place forever There's nothin' I wouldn't give I'd prove to
you daily what a man really is.
I'll lay down my life lovin' you ,
lovin' you I'd work day and night lovin' you ,Lovin' you,
and when life calls us both above Honey, you'll know that you'd been
loved For I'll go, to my grave lovin' you , lovin' you...
The quiet walks the noisy fun
the ballroom prize we almost won We will have these moments to
remember
Though summer turns to winter
and the present disappears The laughter we were glad to share
will echo through the years Though other nights and other days
may find us gone our separate ways We'll have these moments to
remember
Love never forgets, Love always forgives, and sometimes outlives it's usefulness.
SUNDAY - Hope everyone had a good one. Mine started that way and ended terrible...but who said life if fair? Have a good week all.
OUTSIDE:
FUELING UP:
EDUCATING MYSELF:
IN A RELAXED WAY OR COURSE:
IT'S A LIFE STYLE THE WHOLE FAMILY ENJOYS:
SUNDAY AFTERNOON:
Raining, thunder and lightning, just all around a yukky day for any outdoor activities. Well my bride came up with some indoor activities she wanted to try out so she went to the bottom of the closet and broke out the toys and told me we were going to have a Sex-Fest. Not the type to say no to a person in need I gave in and helped her as best I could. One of these toys is twice the man I am and I am not sure how she got it in the house without the neighbors seeing it but nonetheless she instructed me in the proper use of this machine. NOTE: Always wear safety glasses and read the instruction when operating electrical equipment.
Oh well..........who said life is fair?
Anyway, now with time on my hands I decided to write a long overdue letter to the IRS: Let me know what you think.
Dear Sirs at the IRS,
I am in recite of the letter where you stated that if I did not pay the $24.76 underpayment on last years tax filing that you were in a position to cause me a lot of trouble.
Well, before you send out the men in black, you should be aware of the following:
Last week my wife informed me that she has been having an affair with two of our neighbors and that she is leaving and her attorney will be in contact with me to let me know how little I will be keeping after the divorce.
In preparation for this event, I took my two sons fishing in order to let them know what was going on. In the middle of the lake, my oldest son informs me he is gay and is having a sex change operation in 3 weeks. My youngest son was laughing so hard that he fell out of the boat and drowned.
On top of that my bosses wife has informed me that I will have sex with her, or she is going to tell her husband that I did anyway and he is a very jealous man who spent 4 years in prison for aggravated assault on a man who said "good morning, how are you today" to his wife.
And you think you are in a position to "cause me trouble."
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
