A man who just went through a terrible and expensive divorce goes to a bar after leaving the courtroom. He orders a drink and then shouts to all in the bar. "Lawyers are assholes".
The fellow sitting next to him at the bar turns and says "I really take offense to that comment and I don't appreciate it at all".
So the guy asks "why, are you a lawyer"?
"No" the man replied, "I am an asshole".
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen
to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see.", replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in
this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are
these for?"
"Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO
for Saturday and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking
up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men, One for January,
one for February, one for March..."
My wife has trouble opening jars. Apparently, that involves a different set of muscles than slamming doors.
Last weekend my wife asked me to take her somewhere
she had never been before and suprise her...................
So I took her to the kitchen.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same
way.
I bought my wife a new car.
She called and
said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I said, "Where's the car?"
She said, "In the lake."
My wife came back from having her car worked on and told me the mechanic could not fix the brakes until he could order some parts..So she told him to make the horn louder.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a
secret.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!
~~~~~
Get a new car for your spouse.
It'll be a great trade!
~~~~~
Ok ladies, this is your chance to get even...let me have it.
